My wrist

I've had wrist problems almost my whole life. The furthest back I really remember it was in 4th grade. Writing in cursive was one of the most painful things I went through while in school, and it was a requirement. No one believed me back then.

I don't think my parents caught on to the truth until I was out of high school and the complaining about pain didn't stop. Once it didn't seem like I was being lazy to get out of school work, they finally believed me that I was in agony doing anything that used my right wrist.

When I was 19, I finally saw a doctor. They told me that it must be carpal tunnel but I had to beg to get tested. Their reasoning was that I'd been using computers my whole life and computers cause that. Problem is, I'd been playing piano just as long, and I was taught very early the proper way to hold my wrists to prevent strain and damage.

When I was tested for carpal tunnel, it came back negative. Tendonitis was ruled out due to the prolonged duration of the symptoms. Without any further testing, I was told I had arthritis and it was left at that. My hand and wrist were never x-rayed. Shortly afterward, I became uninsured (when my parents fell ill with cancer). I haven't been tested since.

Over the past year or two, the pain in my wrist has gotten worse and worse every day. What I used to feel only when exerting myself heavily, I now feel almost 24/7. On top of that, I now have a hard mass inside my wrist that has continued to increase in size to where it's visible from the outside.

Why does this trouble me so much? It's because my symptoms echo those of a bone tumor (which can appear on bone or tendon). Granted, the vast majority of the time, those are benign. However, in cases where they're neglected as long as mine has been, the only form of removal is amputation. That would result in the complete loss of my right hand.

I'm trying not to get worked up about this too much, as I'm still waiting to see a doctor (I have insurance now, I just have to wait as none are seeing new patients at the moment). Still the thought is VERY worrying.

As much of a major life change as something like a full (dominant) hand amputation would bring, I'm worrying about something trivial in the broad spectrum; one of my autistic obsessive niche interests: video games. They can't be played with one hand.

This is why I've lately been on such a kick, playing everything I can get ahold of. Buying an XBox360 and getting my PS2 and PSP. There are a handful of Wii and DS games I would still be able to play one handed, but the number is much lower than I would like.

I honestly think losing my hand would be easier of a transition than losing one of my niche interests. Hopefully it won't come to pass, but we'll have to wait and see.

Coming Out

I finally told my boss, after work yesterday (aka 8AM today), that I am autistic. My main reasons are that a coworker is taking advantage of me which is easier because of my autism, and we're having a new supervisor come in, in June.

The coworker is really pushing me, right now. He pulls schemes that I'm not catching onto for weeks at a time, and telling everyone else that I've said things I haven't. Now, it's out in the open that he's doing this and he's actually on the chopping block because of it.

The new supervisor is an issue for me because it's another new person to get used to suddenly. I want him to know ahead of time that I have strange body postures and don't look people in the eyes because of autism, not that I'm dishonest or hiding things.

None of this is a problem, and my boss is happy it's out in the open. Life is easy again. God, I love having that piece of paper with an official diagnosis, now. It was really worth all the effort :)